Here is a List of Things I Would Rather Do Than Stop Drinking Coffee

  • Never go to Disneyland
  • Gnaw off my thumbs
  • Only ever be able to clap with my feet
  • Be banned from every club or bar in New Zealand
  • Shit the bed
  • Only ever have a single bed for the rest of my life

This coffee thing is proving difficult. I haven’t quit coffee; don’t be absurd. The purest form of this fast dictates you avoid coffee and black tea however, I have made the decision to cling on to my caffeine addiction by allowing myself one black coffee per day. I think this is fair and I’ll tell ya why.

I am a die hard double-shot-flat-white-no-sugar (I’m sweet enough) drinker. I’ve stopped drinking coffee once before and it was a week of absolute hell destroying fury. Last year I witnessed my Mum doing this fast and she was like a banshee without her daily fix.

So now I drink long blacks. No, I won’t just have a soy flat white! This fast is about sacrifice so I’m going to have my coffee but I sure-as-sugar won’t enjoy it.

This morning it took me 1hr 30mins to finish my coffee. Firstly, what kind of person can drink a long black straight away? It comes out way too hot to handle and by the time its cooled all the crema has gone.

Secondly, I don’t like the way it tastes. Sip by sip I get it down because I know I’ll regret it if I don’t.

I haven’t been as hungry as I’d anticipated and I don’t have much of an appetite at the moment. This is totally a blessing and I ain’t complaining!



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